I predict no jobs in your future.
What is a job?
How can I make your job more inefficient?
The past shows us definitively that there will be no jobs.
Once upon a time there were no jobs.
Jobs don’t grow on trees!
Jobs don’t grow on the molecules of trees!
If I don’t find a job soon, I’m cooking meth.
Rumor has it, there might be a woman at my job.
Odds are, I’ll probably have a job for a few years.
Have you heard about my great new job?
12. Computer Science
My job smells like body odor and curry.
I take my job as a mover very seriously.
I will gladly sell my soul for any job. (Female version)
I will gladly sell my soul for any job. (Male version)
What is the value of a human soul?
I count your money for money.
I lose your money for money.
I actually don’t know the capital of every country.
If the two people ahead of me die, I might have a job.
I killed the two people ahead of me for this job.
My résumé says I’m an English major.
If we lived 5,000 years ago, we wouldn’t even need jobs!
I can write a suicide note in five languages.
25. Studio Art
I got stoned and painted a banana.
I haven’t left my job in six months.
I studied for seven years to work in a grocery store. (Again.)
Thanks to me, kids will know that Moses was a founding father.
29. Religious Studies
I’m like…75% sure that Moses was not a founding father.
I hear the new Megachurch might be hiring more guitarists.
31. African American Studies
Blacks have it hard.
32. Asian American Studies
Asians have it hard.
33. Jewish Studies
Jews have it hard.
34. Latin American Studies
Hispanics have it hard.
35. Women’s Studies
Women have it hard.
Why is everything so hard?!?
Aw, did I offend you?
It’s funny, let it be funny.