Your Major in One Sentence (Funny)

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1. Psychology

I predict no jobs in your future.

2. Philosophy

What is a job?

3. Government

How can I make your job more inefficient?

4. History

The past shows us definitively that there will be no jobs.

5. English

Once upon a time there were no jobs.

6. Biology

Jobs don’t grow on trees!

7. Biochemistry

Jobs don’t grow on the molecules of trees!

8. Chemistry

If I don’t find a job soon, I’m cooking meth.

9. Physics

Rumor has it, there might be a woman at my job.

10. Statistics

Odds are, I’ll probably have a job for a few years.

11. Engineering

Have you heard about my great new job?

12. Computer Science

My job smells like body odor and curry.

13. Kinesiology

I take my job as a mover very seriously.

14. Advertising

I will gladly sell my soul for any job. (Female version)

15. Marketing

I will gladly sell my soul for any job. (Male version)

16. Economics

What is the value of a human soul?

17. Accounting

I count your money for money.

18. Finance

I lose your money for money.

19. Geography

I actually don’t know the capital of every country.

20. Theatre

If the two people ahead of me die, I might have a job.

21. Film

I killed the two people ahead of me for this job.

22. Linguistics

My résumé says I’m an English major.

23. Anthropology

If we lived 5,000 years ago, we wouldn’t even need jobs!

24. Classics

I can write a suicide note in five languages.

25. Studio Art

I got stoned and painted a banana.

26. Nursing

I haven’t left my job in six months.

27. Pharmacy

I studied for seven years to work in a grocery store. (Again.)

28. Education

Thanks to me, kids will know that Moses was a founding father.

29. Religious Studies

I’m like…75% sure that Moses was not a founding father.

30. Music

I hear the new Megachurch might be hiring more guitarists.

31. African American Studies

Blacks have it hard.

32. Asian American Studies

Asians have it hard.

33. Jewish Studies

Jews have it hard.

34. Latin American Studies

Hispanics have it hard.

35. Women’s Studies

Women have it hard.

36. Sociology

Why is everything so hard?!?

Aw, did I offend you?

It’s funny, let it be funny.

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