Longhorns,
How important is coffee to you? Do you live by it? Swear by it? Go to sleep cradling a bag of your favorite coffee beans?
You’re not alone. Many great people throughout history were obsessed with coffee. Here are some famous quotes about coffee by some even more famous people:
1. Jerry Seinfeld (Comedian)
“We want to do a lot of stuff; we’re not in great shape. We didn’t get a good night’s sleep. We’re a little depressed. Coffee solves all those problems in one delightful little cup.”
You might say that Jerry likes coffee.
Jerry is such a fan of coffee that he even hosts a show called, “Comedians in cars getting coffee.” The concept of the show is simple: every episode, Jerry picks up one of his comedian friends in a ridiculous car—from his collection of exotic cars—and takes them out for coffee, often leading to hilarious and personal conversations.
2. Eddie Izzard (Comedian)
“I like my coffee like I like my women. In a plastic cup.”
“Cake or death?”
The British comedian and eyeliner enthusiast, Eddie Izzard, likes his coffee black, bitter, and preferably in a plastic cup.
3. Johann Sebastian Bach (Composer)
“Without my morning coffee, I’m just like a dried-up piece of roast goat.”
A Baroque genius. And a serious coffee fiend.
The famed German composer and genius, Johann Sebastian Bach, was a big fan of coffee. So much, that he even composed a Cantata about coffee! (Seriously. Look up Schweigt stille, plaudert nicht, BWV 211. Aka, the ‘Coffee Cantata.’)
Do you love anything enough to compose an entire choir song about it?
4. Napoleon Bonaparte (French Emperor, General)
“I would rather suffer with coffee than be senseless.”
The Emperor of France—and the man who sold the Louisiana Territory to President Jefferson—was a controversial man, to say the least. But one thing that cannot be doubted is his love of coffee.
P.S. Coffee did NOT stunt Napoleon’s growth. In fact, Napoleon was not short for his time.
History has shown us that Napoleon was about 5’6″—at a time when the average man in France stood at 5’5″. He was no giant, but he was also not short. In fact, he was above average.
5. Jonathan Swift (Satirist, Priest)
“The best Maxim I know in this life is: to drink your coffee when you can, and when you cannot, to be easy without it.”
The Irish-Anglo satirist wrote a lot of tongue-in-cheek prose. But there is nothing remotely sarcastic about the statement above.
Lemuel Gulliver’s suffering is peanuts when compared to a morning without coffee.
6. T.S. Eliot (Essayist, Writer)
“I have measured out my life with coffee spoons.”
Eliot did a lot of great things—winning the Nobel Prize in Literature, for one—and some not-so-great things—like becoming a British peer and renouncing his American citizenship. (Not cool, Tom.) But one thing cannot be questioned: the man’s great love of the caffeinated drink.
This naturalized Briton went on record as preferring coffee to tea. Suck it, England.
7. Jackie Chan (Professional Badass)
“Coffee is a language in itself.”
The immortal Jackie Chan loves coffee. ‘Nuff said.
8. Alfréd Rényi (Mathematician)
“A mathematician is a device for turning coffee into theorems.”
The quote above is often misattributed to Paul Erdös.
This quote was most definitely stated by the Hungarian mathematician and well-known coffee addict Alfréd Rényi, who—unlike Paul Erdös—does not have a number named after him.
Still, Rényi made significant contributions to mathematics. Specifically, in the fields of probability theory, combinatorics, and graph theory.
And, most of all—he gave us this unforgettable quote. Thanks, Al.
9. John Sylvan (The Inventor of the K-Cup)
“[Speaking about his K-Cup coffee maker] I don’t have one. They’re kind of expensive to use. Plus it’s not like drip coffee is tough to make.”
The remorseful inventor
That’s right. The man who invented K-Cups for Mountain Green does not even use the damn things.
In fact, in an interview with The Atlantic, Sylvan said that—upon learning about the damage the production of these K-cups has on the environment—“I feel bad sometimes that I ever did it.”
These days, Sylvan runs a company that makes cost-efficient solar panels. He still drinks coffee, but not out of his K-cup makers, which are the scourge of the earth.
How do you like your coffee?
Happy hunting, y’all!
